Judy writes:

 

In our house in the weeks before Christmas, we write Christmas lists of presents we would like to receive, to help each other to choose ‘surprise’ gifts.  One morning, I overheard my son asking my daughter where she had left my list.  “It’s upstairs,” she said. “But don’t worry, it’s the same as usual: writing pens, pretty notebooks, clothes, earrings, you know ...”  That led me to thinking about my son’s list: that certainly was the same as usual: the latest Terry Pratchett novel, some CDs, DVDs, computer games, tee-shirts.  And what about my daughter? – Clothes, jewellery, music ... Are we all so predictable?

 

Christmas is over, and the New Year is upon us.  Now we turn our minds to ‘New Year Resolutions’.  Are they the same too?  I thought about the things I want to be different this year: get a bit fitter, get down to writing my book, give myself a bit more thinking and ‘being’ time ...  Oh, my goodness, this is last year’s list too!

 

When the early pioneers of NLP studied the patterns of human behaviour, they found that about 95% of today’s thoughts are the same that we had yesterday.  95%!  ‘Plus ca change, plus c’est la meme chose’ goes the French saying. 

 

Nothing changes
And nothing stays the same
And life is still
A simple game.

 

go the Moody Blues lyrics. Depressing?  ... Depends what the thoughts are maybe ...

 

However, these mince-pie musings are accompanied by the reassuring knowledge that my life has changed enormously for the better in the last few years – and mainly through what I have learned from NLP. When I think about the difference NLP has made to my life, the most important is that very fact, that I am not the same as yesterday. I have actually changed.  When I reflect on the changes, they are not mainly about what I do or about what I think about, though these have changed quite a bit too.  They are not even about my values: the words ‘freedom’ and ‘respect’ still have the resonance they always had. No, the big changes are around belief, confidence and sense of self. 

 

I now have a knowing that ‘things are possible’.  That’s a strong belief, that proves itself again and again.  ‘If you think you can and you think you can’t, you’re right’, said Henry Ford famously.  I now know that what gets in my way is 95% myself, and if it’s myself, I can do something about it.  What’s the difference between optimism and pessimism? Not the life examined, just the focus.  With the optimist’s filter, I notice what is working.  Through noticing what is working, I grow in confidence and blossom. With the pessimist’s filter, I notice what isn’t. Through noticing everything that goes wrong, I focus on disaster, and find it wherever I go, thus fostering a sense of dissatisfaction and decreasing confidence in a good outcome.  Each focus is self-fulfilling. We are the change.

 

Confidence has grown too from learning to live easier in my own skin.  I love James Joyce’s description in one of his short stories of the opposite to this: “Mr. Duffy lived a short distance from his body”.  Many of us do this through criticism or detachment, and have no idea how to access the wisdom the body has to give us or how to understand the way body and mind work together. Confidence actually means ‘self-trust’.  It’s in the Latin root: ‘con’ ‘fide’ – ‘with faith’, or ‘with trust’.  Trust means going into the unknown with faith; stepping into the unknown so the unknown becomes every-day, to be welcomed.  Deepak Chopra talks about ‘the wisdom of uncertainty’ and stepping into ‘the field of all possibilities’.

 

Sense of self is a funny thing.  I used to (OK, still do sometimes!) fiercely protect my sense of who I am, and leap to its defence at every opportunity.  I now realise that I can choose who I am from minute to minute, so no one can threaten my sense of who I am apart from me. Therefore, I have no reason to defend it.  That gives a wonderful sense of freedom, and a feeling of excitement as I step into the next minute and the next.

 

How did I learn these principles from NLP?  Not through being ‘taught’ certainly.  I came to these understandings myself through being helped to be more physically aware, and through testing out and comparing different experiences and coming to my own conclusions.  The NLP courses I attended allowed me to learn, but I don’t think I learned the same as other people there.  We each took our own path.  Ian McDermott, a well-known NLP Trainer, often says there are many different trainings, as many as there are participants in the room.

 

That, in the end, is where the confidence comes from.  I have confidence that the experiences have been my own, the learning has been my own, and the conclusions drawn have been my own.

 

So where does that leave me with New Year’s Resolutions?  When we write resolutions, they are usually about behaviours, doing or not doing: eating less, giving up smoking, doing more exercise.  Deep change however happens at the level of believing and being more than doing.

 

So, yes, I do want to get a bit fitter this year, but maybe not for the same reasons as last, it’s more about being more comfortable in my skin.  I do recognise that I postpone writing my book, and the deep truth is that if I’m not writing it, I’m not writing it, and am voting for something else for a reason.  I did want a bit more thinking and ‘being’ time last year too, but I am thinking and ‘being’ through the very act of writing this letter this year.  And that’s a Happy thought for a New Year. 

 

What are your own wishes for this year?  Are there some beliefs that you would like to make your own?  Then take them for the present minute, get to know them, play with them, have them as your own if you’d like to – they have a way of being self-fulfilling.  And a Happy New Year to you! May it be the best year ever!

 

Well said Judy. And a happy new year from all of us at ABL World.

 

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