Allison Mitchell is the author of 'Time Management for Manic Mums' and we caught up with her just before Christmas 2006 to find out how best to survive the holidays.

For more about Allison and the 'NLP for Parents' course go here: http://www.ablworld.com/Courses/Parents.htm.

John. So Allison, I'm not a family man and I don't have children so I'm doubly curious about how people like yourself survive Christmas. I know you're an expert on this with your book 'Time Management for Manic' mums out there and your coaching experience, but what are the two key things that you would like to mention to people just before Christmas?

Allison. OK, well, I think the key thing about Christmas is that it really is meant to be one of the best times of the year when we have loads of fun, drink and be merry, you know, really enjoy ourselves. And when you actually look in the media what you find is that actually it's one of the most stressful times of the year so you kind of have this disparity around what's meant to happen and what actually happens. And I think that's part of the problem, it's that we have this expectation that Christmas will be stressful and from an NLP perspective there is this notion or presupposition that you 'get what you focus on'. So if in your mind you are expecting it to be stressful and you're expecting your relatives to be a problem and you're expecting to be, you know, really harassed by the turkey and getting everything ready and doing all the presents, then that is probably what you will get. So a real focus point for people is to actually asks themselves, 'What would I like my Christmas to be like?' Instead of stressing what you don't want ask how you want your Christmas to be.

P. So how would people do that?

A. Ok, well, there is a really neat thing in NLP called a 'Well-Formed Outcome' and a well-formed outcome is almost like setting a goal if you like. It's about imagining what you would want Christmas to look like, what you would want it to feel like, what you want it to sound like. And you do that by imagining, say, a cinema screen in front of you, and on that cinema screen you're going to play the movie of Christmas, so it's like "Santa Clause the Movie" but it's actually your movie of course. And it's going to have a very happy ending obviously - a real feel-good story. So really see on the screen what Christmas would be like for you if it were perfect; if it were the Christmas you really want. So if you're not stressed, how are you in that picture? And if you're calm how does that feel? You want the whole experience, not just what it looks like but what it feels like to, what it sounds like, what kind of things people are saying to each other, you know, really make it vivid, clear and with colour - as if you are actually at the cinema. Really enjoy it. What's happening when you do that, you're actually saying to your brain, 'this is how I want Christmas to be', and then you give your brain those cues and signals and goals. And your brain is an amazing thing, it actually then starts moving you towards achieving that Christmas you want. If you don't give it those cues, or you only give it cues about stress that's what it goes for. So this is a brilliant, brilliant thing for getting to the place you want and the starting point towards achieving it.

P. Ok, so we have about a week before Christmas. What would be your tip for helping people to remind themselves about what they want, you know, on Christmas day in the middle of it all?

A. Well it's about choice and focus. So first of all it's about setting that positive intent and getting your brain to notice if you're slipping into the stressed world of' 'everything's going wrong, and I'm feeling like I'm doing everything and I'm running around like a headless chicken', actually reminding yourself. You know it can be as simple as setting up for yourself just a little anchor like an elastic band on your wrist or some particular piece of jewellery, or something that's an anchor for you, so that every time you see it it reminds you of what your positive intention was; 'I am going to be calm, I am going to be able to enjoy the day, I'm going to savour every moment'. It's only one day and it goes quite quickly, so find a way to remind yourself to savour every moment. Particularly if you have children, then I think it can be so magical and to miss that because you're stressed is really really sad. And I have been that person, you know wrapping presents at three in the morning, only to be woken at four thirty by over-eager children.

One of things as well about getting that perfect Christmas is what kind of planning do I need to make sure that I can be in that good state. This can be difficult if you are very tired because of the frantic run-up to Christmas. Remaining calm might be more of a challenge, so what obstacles do you potentially face and do you need them? Plan so you're not in that position on Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve is for Santa - not you...

P. In your book - which I love by the way, it's full of lots of practical advice and it's a great fun read - the emphasis is on lots of little things that you can do in advance to prepare the way, so that you know that you can get that, what you call, well-formed outcome. I'm just wondering what are the little things you've done this Christmas that help get ready?

A. Well one of the things that I've done, and I've done a number of things, is delegate a lot of the wrapping. There's tons of wrapping to be done when you have three children. And I set the intent, and this isn't necessarily something people can do this year but maybe think about next year, but all the wrapping is done by the first of December which meant all the presents were bought and what have you. And outsourcing is a fantastic tool - I've delegated so much to other people. On Christmas day the only thing I'm making is the vegetables. My husband's doing the starters, the kids are doing the crackers, granny's bringing the pudding. You know we have a lot of guests and they are all doing something and bringing something. And I think the thing is as mothers we tend to be quite martyr-ish about Christmas Day and feel like we have to do everything. On the whole people are really delighted if you ask them to do something because they to want to feel that they are contributing, so give everybody a job, make sure everyone is clear what they've got to do and have plenty of warning - and there is still time to do that before Christmas. It's shared things, people really like it and it's a weight off your shoulders.

P. Yeh, that sounds like a fantastic idea. I'm wondering, because that's you this year and previous years you've been different... That's why you've written your book and why you do the work you do with your 'Executive-Mum' coaching and all that sort of thing. I'm wondering what made the difference? What helped you to really make the switch into that sort of more productive, fun-filled, but also more plan-filled, sort of life.

A. Well, I think there comes a point in life when you say enough is enough. Before I had children you could be slightly more disorganised, just go with the flow and it didn't matter so much, but when you've got three children it starts to get more complicated, and you do have to put a plan in place. Certainly I've had Christmases where I've almost been in tears because it's just been so overwhelming. And actually there comes a point where you don't want things to be like that anymore; where you say 'I do not want to be that person'. When you've made that decision then you say to yourself, 'What person do I want to be?' Certainly in my book I talk about these two fictitious women. One is called Manic Martha who is so disorganised she is the kind of woman who on holiday is clipping her nails with her children's craft scissors ten minutes before she leaves to go to the airport. And then you've got Perfect Johna who's been manicured and exfoliated and goodness knows what days before she goes and is all packed. Her knickers are organised by colour in draws and that sort of thing. So you've got these two kinds of women and I really was like Manic Martha, and living like that just isn't good for you. We all want a bit of spontaneity, we all want to go with the flow to a degree, but if you can put in a level of organisation in the first place then I think it gives you more freedom to be spontaneous, and feel good about being spontaneous, rather than just living in chaos. I'll never be Perfect Johna, never, but I don't want to be. I see a lot of people in the same situation and it's just about knowing what to do and being a little more organised...

P. I'm already feeling calmer about Christmas - and I don't have children... So after Christmas we've go the one day NLP course for parents which I'm really excited about. You presenting some of this stuff and spending a whole day with parents who have survived Christmas and want a calmer, more planned life - to be more on top of things. So what are some of the things that you'll be covering on 20th January?

A. Well, you know, one of the key things I find with parents is that they'll often say that they can't get their children to do what they want them to do, and we spend a lot of time shouting and nagging and that sort of stuff. So a couple of the things that I'll be doing are really focusing on how you can turn yourself around so you become that calmer person who is patient and can actually be with that child, putting their shoes on, without shouting at them in the morning, getting them to tidy their bedroom and all that sort of stuff. In fact I guarantee by the end of the course that you'll have strategies for getting your children to tidy their bedroom - and that really is Mission Impossible for most parents. For anyone who comes on the course I think it could be quite a transformational event to be honest, because I'm doing some of the stuff that I've done with lots and lots of parents around understanding yourself, how you are as a parent and the kind of strategies you personally need to adapt with your children. What I do which is distinctly different from what a lot of parenting courses do is help people to understand what they are like as a parent and what their child is like as a child, and what strategies will work for them, as different strategies work for different people. So there will be no mention of the 'naughty step' or the kind of one-size-fits-all strategies that you sometimes come across in other books or courses. Not that there is necessarily anything wrong with those, but they are not right for everybody. So I think that will be the most distinctive difference and any parent leaving feeling like they haven't gained an awful lot then I'll simply give them their money back. I can't see it happening to be honest - it's a really transformational event...

P. So what it sounds like to me is that those parents, and it's not just the mums but the dads as well who perhaps will come together, it's about designing the family life that people want?

A. Absolutely, and I think the other thing is that it's easy. It's not complicated. It's all going to be stuff that people can use immediately. Once you've got through to other side of Christmas you never know, you could have a whole new family life...

P. Brilliant... so it's going to be a real refresher isn't it. It's going to help people to get in touch with their New Year's Resolutions and maybe even make a few more...

A. Absolutely, and I think the interesting thing about the work that I do is that more often than not it doesn't just touch the family life for the individual that I work with, it affects many other aspects of their life as well. Family is just part of that bigger thing that is your life. It's all systemic and intertwined and you know I wouldn't be surprised if someone leaves at the end of the day thinking, 'you know I know this is going to make a massive difference to my family, but I can also see how this will make a massive difference at work or with my friends or in another context' - because it's very powerful stuff and it works in all different kinds of contexts.

P. So looking forward through to next year I know you have a number of other exciting projects on the go. What else is coming from Allison Mitchell in 2007?

A. Oh well there are all sorts of things happening... There's another couple of books coming so that's keeping me quite busy at the moment. We've got 'Making It - the Success Secrets of Female Entrepreneurs' where we have used NLP to model very successful business women and break that down into a form that anyone can pick up on what it is that they are doing. You know it's all very well interviewing women but what is it that they are actually doing. So we have these kinds of recipes for success. I think there could be another course there. And then we have 'How to Stop Your Kids Driving You Mad'. That will also be coming out next year. And I'm going to be writing a column in a magazine and all sorts of other things...

P. And I know there are some TV projects bubbling away in the background...

A. Yes there's a number of possibilities all based around the kind of thing that we will be doing on the course. Heh! people better get in quick while they can...

P. Well thanks for your time Allison and finding the time to talk to us.

A. It's a pleasure.